Strawberry Shortcake
by Starts with S
Summary: (YamiSeto) Yami’s already dead, right? He can’t die again, can he? Well, apparently he can… and in exchange for his life, he has to master the art of cooking! Insanity ensures! (Abandoned)
1. Prologue

 Strawberry Shortcake

Summary: (Yami/Seto) Yami's already dead, right? He can't die again, can he? Well, apparently he can… and in exchange for his life, he has to master the art of cooking! Insanity ensures!

Warnings:

Rating: PG-13 for swearing, and well, other implications.

Yaoi, Yami/Seto. Don't like it? You should turn back now.

Character bashing.

Character death (cough).

Bit of talk about religions. I'm not insulting any religion, but I'm just making one single power. I believe that everyone can believe in what they choose to.

Ok… so I'm back! After abandoning a whole set of my old stories that I couldn't finish, I'm starting a whole new set. Don't ask.

Anyways, so in short, Yami dies (again), and in order to continue living in the realm of the humans, he has to attending cooking class at school and, well, there are more twists in the story later on.

The story is going to be written in Yami's POV. So… if there's no specifications of who's POV it's in, it's in Yami's.

By the way, I personally feel that there's a huge lack of Yami/Seto fics out there. So, from now, I will (hopefully) get around to writing the ones I have still stuck in my head. [makes face] Trust me, it's not going to be easy for me.

~~//~~

Prologue

Strawberries. I hate strawberries. That's what landed me in this whole mess anyways.

By now, you're probably wondering why. Well, to make a long story short, I have to attend COOKING CLASSES just because I choked on a strawberry.

What am I, the King of Games? AND the former pharaoh of Egypt?! And I die from eating a reddish, somewhat sour FRUIT?!

I didn't die from assassins, diseases, accidents, murderers, or old age. I died from _choking on a strawberry_. Do you know how PATHETIC that is?!

It all started that one bright summer day when Yugi's grandfather brought home these foreign fruits.

…since _when_ have I been one of those storytellers who talked about their life?

Anyways, like I was saying, Yugi's grandpa came home with a box of fruits. Yugi was enthralled and immediately thanked him for the strawberries. I was wondering what the hell they were.

Yugi's grandpa quickly launched into a detailed description, seeing as to how I did come from Ancient Egypt and I had next to no clue about what they were.

"They're strawberries." He said, cutting and washing them for us. "Obviously there weren't any in Egypt, am I right Yami?"

"Of course not." I said, remaining indifferent. These… strawberries didn't really interest me. 

He smiled, as if he had already expected that answer (which he probably was). "They're also foreign to Japan… they get imported here. Now, I'm not going to go into a full scientific lecture on strawberries, but, I'd just like you to know, they're really quite good." Finishing up, he handed Yugi and I each a bowl.

One thing I noticed about them – they were oversized. Now, it's not like I knew much about them anyways, but from what Yugi has been telling me, strawberries weren't that big. These ones were about as big as a tennis ball (yes, another thing I learned). Last time I checked, they were about as big as a ping-pong ball.

…Yugi's rubbing off on me. I have never used those adjectives in my life… er, existence.

So, we went to the family room and sat down the couch. Yugi jumped on his portion of the fruit, while I remained staring at the bowl, blinking. Were these things edible?

Yugi looked up amidst his eating and said something with his mouth full. Something along the lines of: "Yami, you should really try these!"

Gingerly picking up one, I bit in tentatively, wondering how the taste would be like. I grimaced. It was sour? Well, I certainly didn't have a good first impression of it.

Not wanting to disappoint Yugi, I slowly chewed up the remains of the fruit before swallowing. Yugi looked over, nearly half done his bowl.

"See, they aren't that bad."

"Umph." Was all I could reply with, considering my mouth _was_ stuffed full.

Picking up a second (and hoping it wasn't that sour), I bit off a little chunk, then placed the rest in my mouth. Pushing it around in my mouth a bit, I sat fiddling with it rather than chewing.

"You know, school starts in a month." Yugi said, biting into the crimson flesh of the strawberry.

I nodded, still playing around with my own in my mouth.

"Summer's nearly over."

I nodded again.

"You're going to be attending school, Yami."

At that comment I sat up (since I was slouching before) straight and stared at Yugi. Opening my mouth indignantly, I attempted to begin telling Yugi off, but then I choked.

Oh right, that stupid fruit was still in my mouth.

Damn.

Trying to get it out of my throat, I tried coughing it up, but, unfortunately, it wouldn't budge. Apparently it was just the right size to wedge itself in my windpipe, resulting in a blocked airway and one very pissed me.

"Yami!" Yugi slid over on the couch. "Are you all right?"

I wanted to reply with: "Do I LOOK all right?", but, I couldn't speak at the moment, so I sat there, choking.

Yugi whacked my back, trying to dislodge the strawberry. Sure as hell didn't work. I still sat there choking.

Well, my light went for his grandfather, while I remained there _choking_. AGH!

By now, my face was red from the lack of oxygen, and I felt faint. Looking at the clock, I realized that I had been without air for about ten minutes now. No, I did not start timing how long I've been choking for. It's just that when I began, I managed to catch a glimpse of the time.

I felt really lightheaded, and then my vision began going black… I vaguely heard someone yelling, "Yami!", and the rush of footsteps…

~~//~~

I awoke, and all that I saw… was white.

This horrid, blinding white light. I shielded my eyes, turning away from the source of the lighting.

Looking around, I surveyed the place that I was in. At the moment, I was sitting in a tunnel, dark at one end, and extremely bright at the other. 

Standing up, I realized what I was doing here…

…I was dead. Again.

Damnit.

And then this deep, echoing voice sounded. "Coooome into the liiiight."

I rolled my eyes. If there was one thing I learned in all these years, it's never run into the light. So, naturally, I stayed put and plopped back down on my rear.

The voice sounded again, this time giving off an exasperated sigh. "Look here, I'm just doing my job, so come here!"

I smirked. "Hell no. If you want to talk to me, come _here_."

"You _will_ end up in hell if you don't come, _mortal_." It said in a mocking voice. "I'm the judge, so YOU come here!"

I raised an eyebrow. Man, how rude was that? So, getting up, I walked at a relatively slow pace to the end of the tunnel.

When I came out, I guess it's ok to say that I was nearly half blinded. It was extravagantly white and it gave off this whole over exaggerated ethereal feel… especially with all the clouds surrounding it.

Wait a minute… is this heaven?

The voice sounded again. "Thank you, Yami, darkness of Yugi Mutou. Now, I will introduce myself…" it paused dramatically, "as the 'Almighty Power Up There'! Well, at the moment, it's Up Here."

I suppressed the urge to retort with a snide comment. What a pathetic name.

"So…" it continued, "you have been brought here for us to decide your fate… will you remain in the realm of the humans, or shall you be taken to the realm of the dead? After all," the voice sounded thoughtful, "this is the second time you've died."

I looked around. The owner of the voice was nowhere to be found.

The voice continued its speech. "Anyways, as I was saying," it paused dramatically (again), "you shall be judged."

I snorted. Yeah, whatever.

"This isn't funny, little pharaoh! You DO realize the superiority of myself, do you not?" It screeched, giving off an impression of a grumpy old lady who wasn't getting her own way.

"Not really." I said, starting to laugh.

The 'Almighty Power Up There' huffed. "I will worsen your punishment if I must."

"What punishment?" I said in a taunting voice.

Had it been an actual person, I'd imagine he or she would have been flinging his or her hands about in frustration. I smiled at the mental image.

It was quite evidently very put out by now. "Well, I _was_ planning on giving you another chance to live, since there's so many things in life you haven't experienced… but now…"

I could just _sense_ that 'said' holy entity smirking.

"Now… I don't know what to do with you… what's say I call in the Fates and ask them what I should do?"

A group of supernatural beings floated in, and since I didn't know what to classify them as (Angels? Deities? Judges? Lesser gods?), they will remain 'supernatural beings'. Aside from the fruity entrance, I was starting to wonder about what they were going to do with me.

But, not wanting to jeopardize my future, I kept my mouth shut.

Watching on, the group of 'supernatural beings' first conversed with the 'Almighty Power Up There', and then gathered for a group huddle. Funny. And here I thought that these supposedly superior creatures would deal with these things professionally… in a magical sense.

Wrapping up the discussion, the leader, or at least, I think that was the leader, floated up above the clouds. I'd assume that he or she was telling the 'Almighty Power Up There' what they had decided. Which made me wonder how they were deciding it. Did they know something about my life and would they use it against me?

"All right." said the voice as the 'supernatural being' descended from the sky to join his or her fellow 'supernatural beings'. "The Fates have decided that you will complete a test –"

"What test?" I interrupted, making sure to sound rude and obnoxious.

"I'm getting there!" the voice shot back, sounding very irritated. (Of course it'd be fed up. I was putting on my bratty kid act.) "Very well… the test you are to do…" it paused dramatically (by now it was just getting very redundant and ludicrous), "You are to attend school."

"WHAT?!" True, Yugi wanted me to go, but did you seriously think I'd listen to him?

"Furthermore, you are to sign up for cooking class."

My right eye twitched furiously.

"And last but not least, you are to graduate top of the class, _AND_ master the art of cooking."

Oh goddamnit. Though maybe I shouldn't say that because this thing was pretty much all the gods everyone thought existed.

I was about ready to blow, but that damned voice continued its talking marathon.

"You have exactly one year in eleventh grade to complete the cooking course. Now, the Fates shall guide you back down. Remember… if you want to live, you have to obey me… or else, I can simply take your life with the snap of my fingers…" and just to exaggerate that comment, it made a sound of snapping fingers.

I muttered some curses, not wanting to offend the "Almighty Power Up There'. Shame. If I were in control, this being would regret ever living.

And so, in another flash of blinding light, I found myself back in my body.

By now, the paramedics and whatnot had arrived at the Turtle Game Shop, all of them crowding around me. They all expected I was dead. When I woke up, they were running tests on me. I saw Yugi and his grandfather in the background. Both seemed… well, worried sick. At least they cared about me.

"It's no use." I heard a voice saying. "I'm afraid that Mr. Mutou has died."

At the moment, doctors were leaning over me, doing their standard procedures. I, however, didn't care, being rather miffed at the fact that they said I was dead.

"I am NOT dead!" I shouted hotly, sitting up and scaring the living daylights out of everyone. 

"B – b – bu – but… all the tests we ran on you confirmed you to be dead!" the doctor said, an expression of utter shock and disbelief set on his face. "There's no way you're alive!"

"Well, apparently you idiots miscalculated! Now, get the HELL out of my house before I MAKE you! Shoo! Get lost!" I pushed out the crowd, slamming the door in their faces.

Yugi, without sparing a second, bounded over and tackled me to the ground. "Thank the lord you're all right! Grandpa and I were worried sick! And… I could have sworn you were dead too! How _did_ you come back to life all of a sudden?"

I ignored his last two comments. "Yeah, I noticed. And technically you really shouldn't be thanking the lord." I pointed out, remembering my not so fun encounter with the "Almighty Power Up There'.

"Huh?"

I sighed. "It's a long story Yugi. I'll tell you later."

Just then, Yugi's grandfather came in holding two manila envelopes. "I got you two boys registered for the next year of school... well, reregistered for you, Yugi." He said cheerfully, depositing the envelopes on the dining room table. "Now, all you two have to do now is choose your courses for grade 11! Then, I'll send back the application forms, and it'll be back to school before you know it!"

I groaned. This is going to be one long year…

And so there you have it. The tale of what landed me in cooking class.

~~//~~

Hmm… so, what'd you think? I hope it gave off some humour. 

Anyways, review please! I want some feedback.

By the way, I have no idea how school applications work, so don't jump on me correcting everything.

Satori Opaque 


	2. How To Boil Water

[blinks] Woah, little accident with spacing last chapter. Hope you didn't mind.

Disclaimer: (I forgot this last chapter.) Need I spell it out? I don't own it.

Warnings:

[holds megaphone] Run little kiddies and homophobic people! This is a warning… I repeat, this is a warning! This story continues yaoi… shounen-ai, or whatever you want to call it! That means male/male relationships… so all you stupid or prejudiced people out there, run while you still can!

There's also swearing, character bashing and sexual implications (later on).

Reminders:

This is still in Yami's POV. That will not change if not specified.

This is also still Yami/Seto. That will not change. That fits into the warning category… if you don't like that couple, then get the hell outta here!

Sorry for not updating sooner… holidays make me especially lazy.

[ponders] Would this fic be considered AU, or at least semi-AU? Someone give me your opinion! 

By the way, didn't I say that the yaoi was coming next chapter in the prologue? Eh, either I didn't put up the notice or no one noticed. 

//words, sentences, whatever// = Yami's thoughts

~

How To Boil Water

It was well into the evening after we finished dinner when Yugi and I sat down and took time to go through the documents. Enclosed were sheets listing the courses available to be taken at Domino High.

Myself, Yami Yugi, King of Games, sat there with my right eye twitching furiously. Yugi was still snickering about what had happened… I had told him over dinner. I wish I hadn't. Right after I finished, he choked, then fell to the floor laughing. If he hadn't spit his food out, I think he'd have choked and died too.

So, trying to ignore Yugi, I scanned through the options quickly, some part of me hoping that cooking wasn't on the list. Then maybe I could get out of it…

Then again, there really is no such luck, especially since the 'Almighty Power Up There' was against me in every way possible.

I groaned as I neared the bottom of the list. There it was… cooking, listed with a brief description of what was expected. Yugi noticed that and began giggling uncontrollably again.

I whipped my head around to glare at him. "Yugi, you've been laughing about that ever since dinner. We had dinner at 7:00 p.m. It's 11:00 p.m. right now. Can't you give it a rest?

Yugi covered his mouth with both hands, but his attempts were futile. It just made it worse – he started laughing even harder.

"But Yami! The very THOUGHT of seeing you cooking is hilarious! I mean, you?! Of all people…" With that, Yugi began laughing all over again. 

…I will not dignify that with an answer.

"And to think you have to graduate at the top of the class! Yami, you're never going to make it…"

"Thanks, my _dear_ hikari." I replied sarcastically.

"Not that I want you to go, mind you." Yugi said, and even though a goofy grin was still plastered on his face, I could sense the sincerity in the tone of his voice. "You _are_ my yami, one of my best friends, and my almost brother… I wouldn't want to see you die! Again." He added, under his breath. 

Disregarding his last statement, I managed a smile. "Thanks Yugi."

"So, good luck!" Yugi said, giving me a thumbs up.

We both turned back to our checklist, and completed filling out the papers. After much thought, I finally decided on my courses… cooking being one of them of course. I shuddered involuntarily. 

Just then, Yugi's grandfather popped into the room. "We've got some leftover strawberries… want some?" He directed the question at both of us, but I myself felt that some person was making him do this just to spite me.

I gagged and immediately rushed out of the room.

Seems that the near death experience has caused me to grow a distinct dislike for strawberries…

~

As the rest of the summer holidays slowly dragged by, I awaited the first day of school. As much as I dreaded the thought of humiliating myself in cooking class, and the fact that I might not see the years to come, there was one reason why I wanted to go.

…which I don't really want to talk about.

Then again, Yugi had the courtesy to bring it up on the day right before the first day of school.

"You know," Yugi stated as he bounced into my room, "tomorrow's the first day of school."

I sighed, sitting up from my face down position on the bed. "I know."

"We'll be seeing Jou tomorrow."

"Mmhmm."

"And Anzu."

"Great…"

"And Honda."

"Joy."

"And Ryou."

"That's great… Yugi, why would I care?"

"And Bakura. Yami Bakura."

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. "Bakura's going to school? That tomb robber? It never occurred to me that he'd need an education…"

Yugi nodded, with a glint in his eyes I didn't exactly like. "Yeah. And so are many other people we know. Too many to name."

I faced him, meeting his gaze. "Yugi, may I ask _what_ you're trying to get at?"

Yugi's somewhat demonic grin flashed out full-fledged. "And Kaiba. Seto Kaiba. You know that?"

I choked, then gulped. "You know?"

Yugi laughed. "Oh come on, I noticed you had the hots for him ever since Battle City ended… hell, _during_ Battle City! I'm not your lighter half for nothing."

I fell back onto my face down position. "And people say you're innocent." I said, my voice slightly muffled by the pillow covering my mouth.

Yugi poked me. "Aw come on… I just want to help."

I sat up, facing the wall, as if talking to myself. "Give me one good example of _how_ you'd be able to help me. It's hard _enough_ to keep the secret to myself… but it's even harder to control myself! Do you know how flipping _hard_ it is not to jump and ravish him when we're in the same room? It doesn't help that _also_ wears leather… aah!"

Yugi sniggered. "Thanks for sharing."

I plopped back onto the pillows. I had more to say… but that outburst was honest and informative enough. I didn't feel a need to go any further.

And after that… well, let's just say I had an, er… _nice_ dream of a certain brown haired, blue eyed, teenage CEO of KaibaCorp…

~

Meanwhile, in the realm of heaven… 

A bout of hearty laughter echoed through the endless expanse of paradise. It had been sounding for at least a few days now… and the leader of the Fates (it was a male) couldn't bear it anymore. The suspense was killing him and he wanted answers now!

"Almighty One, if you may grace me with an answer to one of my many questions…?"

Though the 'Almighty Power Up There' stopped laughing, it still spoke with a rather amused tone. "Speak."

"May I ask why you altered the test of Yami Yugi? To such an extent?"

"Well…" it paused. "We haven't had a good source of entertainment in quite a while…"

The leader blinked. "Oh."

"And to see the former pharaoh cooking! What a sight that will be…" it chuckled.

The supernatural being nodded. "I see…"

~

The first day of school had arrived. I woke up with an extremely unpleasant feeling in my stomach… and I had this inexplicable urge to throw up. Who would've thought that cooking classes would have such an effect on you?

Bu-ut… that was beside the point. I peeled off my pajamas and changed into the standard uniform… identical to Yugi's, except a few sizes larger. Grabbing my backpack, I headed downstairs, where Yugi was waiting anxiously for me. 

"C'mon Yami… we don't want to be late the first day back!" Yugi half ordered, half exclaimed, prodding me out the door. I nodded vaguely before getting lost in a sea of thoughts.

Yes, I've found out that after spending a while in the modern age, I've become a very absorbed in thinking… more than a few times I've been lost in my head.

So, shutting Yugi out along with the rest of the world, I began thinking.

//I've long since found out that I wasn't interested in women… I'm pretty sure I wasn't into them even in my past life. I think that 'date' with Anzu confirmed that… and yet she still didn't seem to get the clue. She still goes giddy around me… somewhat. It's not like I didn't do all I could to avoid her.//

_Thunk. _Yugi looked over… I had just walked smack into a stop sign. I didn't seem to notice though.

//So sue me, I'm gay. Big deal.// 

_Bang. _This time I ran into a telephone pole. Absentmindedly, I rubbed my forehead, and continued walking aimlessly.

//Ok… you gotta admit… Seto is very attractive… and no, I'm not going after him only for his looks. I like him for his character… now don't think I'm going crazy here. I know there's more to him than what meets the eye.//

_Smack._ A thud sounded as I walked into a brick wall conveniently positioned in our path. Either that or I think it was a fence.

//True… Seto may be an arrogant bastard at times… but it makes me wonder… what's his life outside of school and that company he runs?//

_Thud._ I rammed into a random bystander, and I apologized… distantly. She seemed to accept it and hurried off to wherever she needed to go.

//Maybe it's just a silly little crush now… but can't I dream?//

_Screech._ A car braked centimeters away from me… and I vaguely heard the driver swear and yell some threats.

Focusing back into the real world, I waved away his comments and shouted back, "Yeah, fuck you too." I followed after Yugi and into the school… we're at school already?

As we made our way to where the students were gathered, Yugi turned to me, his expression a cross between worry and bemused interest. How he carried that out I did not know, but I was a little miffed. Yugi was short of bursting out laughing right then and there.

I glared at him. "What?"

Yugi started chortling. "Yami, are you sure you're ok?"

My glare intensified, as with his giggling (which I deem evil). "Why?"

"You've been very deep in thought lately. Either you just like to muse, or your brain has little space left to think about anything else."

"What're you implying?"

"I'm implying that you spend all your time obsessing over you know who!"

I promptly whacked Yugi upside the head.

"Ow… but you know that's true, Yami. You gotta admit… you're madly in love. Either that or it's just lust." 

Just then, the line moved up, and it was my turn. Facing a grumpy looking administrator, I gulped.

"Your name." She said, sounding as if she'd rather be anywhere else save here.

"Yami Mutou."

Handing me a list and a school map, she peered at me over her glasses, as if telling me to get the hell out of here.

Which I did, mind you. I bolted – fast.

Oh boy… hell, here I come.

~

After being told our homeroom classes, our schedules were distributed out to us. Unfortunately, no one I knew remotely well was in the same homeroom as me… hopefully they'll pop up in some other class?

Nah, that's pretty improbable.

So anyways, as I was saying, we got our schedules. I noticed I had cooking… EVERY DAY?! WHAT?! They never said ANYTHING about cooking classes being every day!!!

I slumped in my seat, groaning. 

~

Nevertheless, the day dragged by without me having to kill/mind crush anyone, go insane, or anything else that might prove hazardous to my health (yeah, like school isn't). And, much to my good fortune (what good fortune?), I ended up in the same math class as Ryou, the same language (Japanese) class as Yugi, and the same geography class as Jou… even though he wasn't that big of a help at least there were some familiar faces around.

Then the dreaded hour came…  the last period… cooking…

I groaned inwardly as I walked as slowly as I could to the classroom.

I opened the door, and the majority of the class was already there. Looking around the group of around twenty students or so, my jaw nearly dropped all the way to the floor when I noticed two – rather, three, individuals in particular.

All I need to say is: Seto, Bakura, and Anzu.

Out of ALL the people I know, it HAD to be those three.

Anzu… I had nothing against her, but she's kind of annoying. Screw that, she's _very_ annoying… at times. Bakura… past life, tomb robber… does that say enough for you? I don't appreciate people depriving my ancestors of their riches… especially when they were already dead. And Seto… let's just say I'm going to have a _little _problem concentrating in class…

I quickly surveyed the room, taking in its build, and the places that might prove dangerous to me. Well, it was set out kind of like a science lab… except there were stoves and ovens. Instead of single desks set out in rows, it was made up of single workstations – complete with sinks, cooking devices, and whatever else… I haven't learnt all the classifications yet.

In the front of the room was a whole lineup of chairs set up in three rows. Seeing as to almost everyone was already here, I began searching for a chair that wasn't already taken.

Nabbing an empty seat in the middle row (the only one left) I looked around me… 

And directly to my right was Seto… GAH!

Resisting the urge to panic and run, I turned to my left, only to find Anzu sitting there.

I choked. Of all the seats I managed to get…

Hearing my choke, both the brunettes turned to see what was the cause… both blinked, and then…

Well, Anzu nearly leapt onto me. "Yami!" she exclaimed. "It's great to see you here! I never knew you were one to learn how to cook!"

Was she aware that she was clutching my arm?

"It's a long story…" I explained uneasily, hoping she'd take the clue and let go of my limb (I value my body parts, thanks). I began willing her to let go of me, and unconsciously stared to the direction opposite of the girl…

…and looked straight into another set of blue eyes.

Hoping I wasn't blushing (I really gotta stop acting like a lovesick fool…), I turned back to Anzu. Said girl was still clinging onto me like a parasite. 

"Um… Anzu? Can you… let go of me?"

"Oh… sorry." Anzu said, blushing like one of those obsessed schoolgirls. She probably was… but, wanting to keep my lunch in my stomach, I tried to ignore her.

Turning to the boy on my right, I decided I had to talk to him to kill time. Besides, some part of me was pushing to do so.

That very part of me was also the part that held all of my pent up desire…

"So… Seto, why are you here?"

While looking stunned that I said something to him, I was also half relieved that he didn't immediately react to the fact that I had used his first name. Actually, to tell the truth, I had expected him to snap back and tell me to a) leave him alone or b) never address him by his first name.

But, he didn't. So let's not go there.

He gazed upfront, not looking at me. Not that I had anticipated him being friendly, but a small naïve part of me had secretly wished that he'd be slightly more… responsive. Call it false hope… or maybe even a stupid fantasy.

Said boy mumbled something incoherent. I had to strain to hear him… and even so, all I was able to catch was a few words along the lines of 'blackmail' and 'Mokuba'.

Blinking, I turned to my left, only to find that Anzu went somewhere else… probably on a bathroom break or something. Letting out a breath of relief, my breathing quickly hitched in its release and I… well, stared,

Gawked openly would be more like it though, because Bakura was sitting exactly one seat away from me.

Our gazes met, and that blasted tomb robber smirked. "What's the matter pharaoh?"

I glared. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm in class!" he said, voice laced with irritation… and somehow, amusement. What the humour was in this I didn't know, but how Bakura executed the task of multiple tones… was… strange.

"Uh huh. And you want to learn how to cook because…?" I shot back.

"Ryou began threatening me. Said I was constantly burning his 'property'." He frowned. "I don't know what crawled up _his _pants, but if he was a girl, I'd swear he was going a major mood swing." Bakura scowled. "And people say that I'M the mean and abusive one. At least Ryou doesn't hit me…"

"That still doesn't explain why you're here." I retorted, not caring one bit if I was sounding hostile or not.

"Well." Bakura said, his signature sadistic grin gracing his features. "Ryou promised me that if I stopped wreaking havoc on the furniture and appliances at home, I could, instead, burn a few square meters of the school, using _their_ stoves and equipment. Heh heh heh…" the tomb robber rubbed his hands together like a little child who had just been rewarded with a lollipop. "Unfortunately," he said, acting slightly more serious, "I can't burn the whole school. Shame."

Shame indeed, I thought, and just as I was about it voice my opinion, a heard a squeal from under the chair.

"BAKURA, HOW DARE YOU!" a not so faint squeaking voice sounded. Anzu crawled up from under the chairs, her hair in disarray and uniform disheveled. 

Bakura smirked. "How dare I what?"

Angrily standing to tower over Bakura, she glowered down at the tomb robber (who wasn't at all intimidated, might I add). "You shoved me down under all the chairs and you're asking me 'how dare I what'? You… you!" She made a move to strangle Bakura while I watched, mildly entertained. Much to my surprise, Seto, too, was gazing at them with the slightest bit of curiosity and interest.

Just as Anzu clamped her hands around the spirit's neck, an obnoxious yet terribly familiar voice spoke. "Miss Mazaki, is that any way to treat your fellow classmates? Sit down, please."

As the whole class quieted down, and as I looked up front, my jaw dropped open as a recognized that horrid red and white suit.

Damnit.

The introductions began, while I slunk down in my seat, wishing I were _anywhere_ but here. **Anywhere**. Anywhere at all…

"Greetings, class." The man, our _teacher _began. "I am going to teach the cooking class… and as you all _should _know, my name is Pegasus J. Crawford… inventor of Duel Monsters and now, your new cooking teacher! By the way, you may address me as Mr. Pegasus."

While a great number of students looked like they were in bliss, and another number were staring at said man in fascination and awe, us four were sitting there, Bakura, looking ready to gag, Anzu, with an expression of disgust that looked incredibly fake, me, with an expression of disbelief, and Seto, staring up with an equal expression of disbelief.

Resting my face behind my hands, I thought, 'Why me?'.

The man babbled on, mainly about what we were going to do throughout the year, what fun we were going to have, what we were going to learn, and so on. I had thought that that egomaniac might have talked all about himself and his life, but most unexpectedly this man did have _some _good points. Then again, that wasn't going to make me appreciate him as a teacher.

Also makes me wonder whatever made him come teach at Domino High instead of doing, what, running his company as president?

After the run through, our first lesson began. Pegasus quickly explained and covered the standard procedures and rules of the school kitchen.

"Now, I want you guys to be working in partners. You may work with whomever you like – "

The class immediately hustled and bustled about, with friends turning to one another, students eyeing people, wondering who they should partner up with. I myself began wondering who I was going to paired up with.

"Someone who knows about newfangled inventions, I hope…" I mulled, lazily eyeing the individuals.

"Aah aah ahh!" Pegasus said, wagging his finger at us like we were no more than little three year olds. "You guys didn't even let me finish. There's a catch!"

The lot of the teenagers groaned, sounding as disappointed as could be. Everyone settled down and again, focused their attention to our teacher. I myself was feeling a little apprehensive… what if I was paired up with someone disagreeable?

Our instructor smiled, rather childishly, in a sense… acting a good deal younger than his age. "You may only partner up with someone you are sitting beside."

Instantly, the class cheered up, seeing as to how almost everyone sat beside a friend. Arrangements were speedily laid out, as pairs were quickly made.

Glancing at the two people beside me, I sighed. This leaves me with little choice…

Turning to the teen on my right, I nudged him with my elbow, succeeding in getting his attention. However, instead of the somewhat distant boy I was faced with earlier, Seto had apparently turned back to the rival I knew so well – cold and defensive.

"Don't be thinking any minute that I'm going to partner up with you." Evidently some things still stuck.

Not at all fazed for a second, I caught a glimpse of who was sitting beside him. Another one of those giddy/obsessed/crazed schoolgirls/fangirls. At the moment, she was staring at Seto, blushing and nervously wringing her hands together.

Resisting the urge to impale the girl, I pointed as discreetly as possible. "Would you rather be partners with one of your fangirls? Your call."

Catching a quick glimpse over his shoulder, he turned back just as rapidly. Looking behind me, he looked down at me. "Why don't you partner up with Miss Mary Sue? You two are so buddy-buddy anyways."

Grabbing the front of his shirt, I pulled him down (height difference…) and hissed into his ear. "I don't WANT to work with Anzu! Now can you _please _make up your mind before she _asks _me?!"

Casting another look behind himself, he nodded. The two of us got up and walked to a set of sinks, stoves, and whatever. Anzu looked positively livid… and turned to the tomb robber beside her. Bakura raised an eyebrow before following her to the work station next to us.

Set out before every pair of students was a kettle and a pair of gloves. I guess we weren't doing anything too messy today… it does explain the absence of aprons.

"Ok!" Pegasus clapped his hands, demanding the utmost attention of every pupil. "Today… we are going to learn one of the most basic things in cooking… turning on the stove and boiling water!"

He sounds too excited…

Instructing us step by step, Pegasus carried out the procedure so we could all see. Some students knew what to do… while others stared on, making sure they took in every exact detail.

Seto had better know how to do this…

When his overly long and fruity demonstration, everyone began filling their kettles posthaste. While Seto seemed to have an inkling of what to do, and what not to do, I was staring at the stove like it was a weapon of mass destruction.

Which in fact, as I was told by Yugi, if used correctly, it would have devastating results on innocent bystanders…

But, watching as Seto filled the kettle, and turned on the stove, I made sure to learn whatever thrown at us.

…after all, I _did_ have to graduate top of the class…

"Remember!" Pegasus said, once again, sounding too cheerful for his own good. "When the kettle starts steaming, and when it starts steaming A LOT, you must pick it up and place it in a safe spot! Be careful! You all should know that boiling water is HOT."

With all that said and done, everyone sat back and waited… after all, so I've been told, boiling water takes a matter of a few minutes.

A sudden interruption jarred my train of thoughts. "So, Yami… why _are_ you in class? Cooking class, I mean."

Turning to the boy sitting next to me, I blinked. Seto sat there, most likely expecting an answer.

I gulped, apprehensively watching the kettle let off columns of steam. "Um… can I talk to you later? That thing is steaming…"

The CEO snorted. "Oh please Yami, it's just done boiling. Why don't you try picking it up?"

My eyes widened. "Me?" I half yelled.

He frowned. "If you're planning on making any progress, you should start by doing something? Yami, this is only our first lesson."

I nodded, anxiously eyeing the steaming kettle.

"Now, hold the kettle by the handle," he dictated while I did as he told, "and make sure that you aren't touching it directly. Then, lift it up, and place it on that spiral thingy…" he pointed, "the other one, and set it down. Simple enough?"

I let out a sigh of relief. "At least I managed to do that…"

He shook his head, the slightest of smiles adorning his features. "Seriously Yami, I really think you should start learning more about the modern world… if you're planning on getting anywhere."

I socked him playfully in the arm. "What do you know?"

I could tell he was shocked outright, but that didn't really matter to me. At least not at that moment. An unearthly shriek/wail broke the peaceful atmosphere of the classroom, turning everyone's heads.

"BAKURA!"

"What?" Bakura looked at Anzu, raising an eyebrow, acting innocent. Well, for one thing, he was still holding a just finished boiling kettle. Another thing was that it was tipped forward. And last but not least, Anzu's front was soaked. With what was probably burning hot water.

The girl screamed in what seemed to be pain, until Pegasus quickly ushered the girl off to the nurses' office.

Bakura smiled, somewhat sadistically. "Whoops."

~

(To be continued…)

Hmm… what _was_ Yami's original test? You'll find out.

I apologize again for the lateness and crappiness of this chapter. I'm well aware of the lack of humour and out of characterness… some anyways. Sorry… my writing's very inconsistent. I manage to produce some decent stuff once in a while… and at other times it's just a load of crud. _ Man, do I ever envy you good writers out there…

I realize that Yami's acting kinda like a lovesick idiot, and that the yaoi is one-sided… that will change. Just bear with me…

It might take a while for me to update again. Sorry.

Anyways… my birthday's coming up. Not that anyone would care, but can you review for a present? Please?

Satori Opaque


	3. Kitchen Essentials

Thanks for reviewing!

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Warnings: yaoi, character bashing, Yami/Seto, OOC

Note: Seto is the uke… or as I prefer calling it, the more submissive one. I didn't find a need to say that in the past chapters… ah, well, people need to know.

Oh, right, courtesy of Pegasus being the cooking teacher goes to Gin Ryu-chan. Her idea…

~

Kitchen Essentials

I got home, somewhat tired out from the events at cooking class… though I really didn't have a need to be. I mean, honestly… all we did was boil water.

Ra forbid I don't learn how to do _that_.

Immediately, I rushed upstairs, slammed the door to my room shut, chucked my schoolbag into a random corner and promptly collapsed face down on my bed.

Yugi walked in… I sensed it. Then, suddenly, I felt a cool stream of liquid soaking through my hair – abruptly I yelped, sat up, and glared. My oh so innocent hikari stood there with a bottle of water in his hand and a grin on his face.

I rubbed the back of my head. "What the hell was that for?"

He shrugged, sitting down beside me. "I figured you needed some waking up. So, how was cooking today?"

At that comment I plopped back down, face buried in my pillow. "Mpfh." 

"What?"

I sat up. "Anzu got burnt."

Yugi nodded. "So I heard." Then, he grinned mischievously. "You're going to have fun this year, aren't you?"

I guess I had to smile at that. "If you're talking about a certain someone, then I suppose maybe. But if you're referring to Bakura, you are _gravely_ mistaken."

Yugi simply laughed at that.

~

In the Kaiba household… 

"Mokuba!" yelled one very disgruntled teen. "Come back here!"

Said boy giggled and ran even further away from his older brother. "Nyah ah! You have to catch me first Seto!"

Seto groaned. This chase had begun ever since he picked up his younger brother from school.

"Ok, you _already_ blackmailed me to take cooking classes by stealing Obelisk. (1) I _attended_. Now can I _please_ have my card back?" he shouted at the further retreating Mokuba.

"Like I said, you have to CATCH me!"

"Ugh… ok, fine, you asked for it!"

Seto, having both the height and speed advantage, managed to corner his younger brother in no time at all. Crossing his arms, he glared down at Mokuba, a stance he found particularly intimidating.

The boy looked up, gulped, and smiled sheepishly. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the god card, still in perfect condition. 

"Here."

Taking the card, he sighed. "_Thank_ you."

Turning to walk away, he stopped in his tracks when Mokuba called back out. "Yes?"

Once again, the boy reached into his pocket, this time yanking out a deck of Duel Monster cards. "Did you honestly think I'd let you get away with this?" the boy said, devilish smile painted on his face. "Don't think I don't know you… you're only going to attend for one semester, right? Well, if you plan to get your deck back, you're going to have to go for the whole year!" With that, Mokuba cackled in a witchlike manner, and darted off before Seto had time to react.

Deciding to give up the chase, he walked up to his office, sinking down onto his chair. Banging his head multiple times on his desk, he muttered, "How the hell can you hate someone yet love them at the same time?"

If only you knew, Seto. You're going to find out very soon…

~

The sun rose, starting another torturous school day… today a torturous Tuesday morning. Going through my daily morning ritual, I washed up, dressed, packed, ate breakfast, and began that horribly boring trek to school with Yugi.

The school day crawled by… at the breakneck speed of a centimeter per hour. Aside from getting yelled at by the history teacher for being too loudmouthed (hey, what do you expect? They screwed up every aspect of the construction of the pyramids! Yes, we were doing world history), nothing too exciting happened.

And so, math class passed. So did language, geography, science, history, and every other class I took. And then came that dreaded hour again… cooking.

I'm making it sound like the apocalypse, aren't I? 

But, anyways, I got there last, and as always, almost every seat at the front was taken… well, apparently Anzu had saved a seat for me. Not that I wanted to sit beside her, mind you… especially not in the front row either. 

Although seeing as to it was the very last spot, I had to sit down…

Pegasus was late about a good five minutes, so the class had that time to themselves. Anzu was chatting about how scary the hospital was and everything, since she got burnt and everything. I personally thought that you could just go to a family doctor, get medicine prescribed and everything, but _no_, Anzu seemed to think that it would destroy her just because she got roasted by hot water.

Anyways, I wasn't really paying attention to her incessant rambling, so I was randomly staring around the room. Seto was sitting exactly twelve seats away from me… yes, I counted. Yes, I'm an obsessive freak. Yes, it might only be a crush now, but do you actually think I have a chance?

To tell the truth, no matter how awkward it was last class, I kind of enjoyed sitting beside him…

At that moment, our teacher finally walked in. "Good afternoon class! You must excuse my tardiness… I had some other appointments."

Watching him, I remembered that he had lost his Sennen Eye. I vaguely wondered what had happened to him, and whether he replaced his eye or something.

Quickly rethinking that, I shuddered. On the second hand, I don't think I would like to find out…

Clapping his hands to get the class's attention, the students silenced without delay.

"Ok… yesterday we learnt how to boil water. Now, I know you're all anxious to get into cooking meals and everything, but today, we're just going to review the basic things in the kitchen and everything. Fair enough?"

The class murmured, exchanging somewhat quiet comments.

Not waiting too long until everyone was done chattering, he continued. "I'm afraid it's going to take the first week of school… but don't worry! We will commence the actual cooking program shortly after the week has finished. All right?"

Everyone nodded, simultaneously, I noticed.

Pegasus thought for a moment, then spoke. "Oh, right, I just remembered. Due to the _unfortunate_ accident yesterday, I have decided that you will remain working in partners. Everyone will stay partners for the rest of the year with who they worked with yesterday, ok?"

The outer me was shocked and miffed. The inner me was doing a victory dance, thinking, 'Oh YES! I get to work with Seto for the rest of the year!'

Anzu opened her mouth in protest, then looked furious, and then finally, turned around and glowered at Bakura, who was conveniently sitting behind her. Bakura, pretending not to notice her, put a hand into his pocket, pulled out a switchblade, flicked it open leisurely, and ever so slowly, ran his tongue along the blade of the thin slab of metal (how he didn't draw blood was well beyond me). The girl beside me gulped, and then turned to me, about to whine and rant about having to work with a 'tomb robber'.

Except I wasn't there.

I had already jumped and ran away, knowing that Anzu would want to complain to me. So, therefore, I sneaked away to the back row.

"Ok class, partner up!" said the man, again, sounding exuberant and joyful.

At that, I popped up from my position (crouching behind the chairs) and tapped Seto on the shoulder.

The multi-billionaire jumped at my touch, then turned around. 

"What the hell? Oh, Yami."

So, we went to the same place we worked at yesterday. This time, chairs were set out behind each station. The students all sat down as Pegasus began our lesson.

"Ok, set out before each of you is a sheet of the rules that are expected to be followed. I'll have to count on you guys… if you ever break these rules, I'm afraid you might be removed from class."

Eyeing the list, I read:

Listen to the teacher at all times and follow all instructions. When necessary, safety equipment must be worn. No causing destruction or damage using the equipment. No usage of equipment if you intend on harming a fellow classmate. No eating ingredients of dish if said so. No food fights. Respect the teacher, your classmates, the equipment and cooking in general. 

Going over the list of overly corny instructions (typical… especially the respect one), I raised my eyebrows. Ok… standard procedures.

"Now," Pegasus continued, "I will allow you to have time to discuss things with your partner… work things out. I'll be right back."

Where does that man go?

So, I sat there, looking at Seto. He looked right back. We sat staring for, oh, about a minute or so.

Then, finally, I couldn't stand it any more. I was itching to say this for a long time…

"Did you know that that style of the uniform makes you look like a total idiot and a geek?" (2) I asked, motioning towards his current attire. "Haven't you ever tried wearing the other style?" I continued, tugging on my uniform jacket.

He blinked. "I wasn't expecting that…" he muttered. 

I nodded. "I know you weren't."

Looking up again, his gaze met mine. "I'll take that into consideration… why do you care anyways?"

Because I hate to see your appearance spoiled by that ugly piece of clothing. What, you think I'd say that? "Because I stare at you." That came out unintentionally.

"What?" He probably wasn't expecting that either. Well, duh…

"Because you're my partner and I'd hate to waste my time laughing when I look at you." I corrected myself, sounding solemn. Funny. This would actually be deemed 'humour'.

Glancing at me oddly, he turned to face the front.

Shrugging, I sat there. That went well.

Pegasus reentered the room, holding a moderately sized cardboard box. "Now, class, I'm fairly certain that most of you know all the utensils, but just in case some don't know, I'm going to go through them." Therefore, the man went into a long, detailed description of each and every spatula, kettle, fork, chopstick, _whatever_, until he went through the whole box.

I had learned most of them… Yugi helped me with it… although some still seemed foreign to me.

Wrapping up, Pegasus clapped his hands, a smile plastered on his face. "Now, we'll start by doing some very simple things! We're going to be boiling, scrambling, and whatever else you can do with eggs!"

I groaned. Not the eggs… I distinctly remember a rather unpleasant moment in the supermarket when Yugi forced me to go with him… eggs are 'delicate'… at least that's what Yugi said after he finished telling me off.

But, I suppose I'm just going to have to put up with this. Eggs were distributed to everyone, as were frying pans, aprons, cooking utensils, oil, and whatnot.

Pegasus dictated the commands, and everyone followed. Surprisingly, I didn't have too much of a problem…

Not for the first time, everyone turned at the sound of a scream. Bakura was standing there, smiling, while Anzu was on the ground. Under her foot was a cracked egg.

"BAKURA!"

~

(1) I don't know whether or not he ever lost Obelisk during Battle City, and quite frankly I don't give a damn either. He's keeping it.

(2) What, did you think he was going to confess about his secret 'little' crush? Not so easy…

~

To be continued…

-_-; Gah… I'm not feeling very creative at the moment. This chapter is only a filler. 

Meh, well, I'll try to update soon.


End file.
